One Too Many Mornings - a new comedy.

I hate flying. I never really flew anywhere growing up, but now that I live in California and my family lives on the East Coast I fly a lot. I knew a lady who REALLY hated flying. She told me she had to see a therapist because of it. Now THAT is a fear of flying. I guess I’m just a rookie because I’m only at the phase where I need to drink before I fly. And it’s not good either, because sometimes I fly out at 9am. So by 9am I am drunk and midway through the flight I get a hangover. I’ve been trying to cut back on the drinking lately so I’ve been covering my eyes with my hat or a jacket and just try and zone out.

Here’s another problem. It’s not just a fear of flying , it’s that every trip something ALWAYS happens to me on either my inbound or outbound flight. I’ll have a smooth ride going back east and then flying back west I’ll head through a severe lightning storm. True story – I was sitting in a row with two little girls who were flying by themselves, probably 7 and 10, and a lightning storm just happened around us. Well the thunder and lightning was really scaring these girls and the youngest one grabbed my arm after a loud boom outside. She thought I could protect her. Is she kidding?! We are on a plane, nothing can protect us if we get hit by lighting (which I think can’t happen, but when I’m on a plane and there is a lightning storm outside, we sure as hell can get hit by it) I was more scared than this little girl but I couldn’t show it.

I’ve had to do an emergency landing because some old man looked like he was dying in the middle of the aisle. One time the ride was fine, but I have to sit in the airport for 2 hours because my luggage is delayed (?!?). EVERYTIME something seems to happen.

Yesterday I flew back to California, after being on the East Coast for the holidays. The first half of the flight there was awful turbulence and then a stewardess asked if there is a doctor on the plane because some lady kept fainting in her chair. And if even one person starts to freak out on a plane, well that just adds to my freaking-out-ness (I think that’s a word). So I decided to go through and think of things I am happy for, just in case her faints were contagious and the pilots got it and we crashed.

Here’s what I thought of –

1) Family
2) My Girlfriend
3) Mike and Anthony
4) The Buffalo Bills

Then there was more turbulence and I drank a Heineken and tried to zone out.

But I’m glad I know Mike and Anthony.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 1st, 2010 at 11:41 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.